Today I was enjoying a stroll through one of my favorite thrift shops, which I will not identify by name for fear that you will go there and buy all of the good stuff. (Okay, it was Thrift Town, which I went to because my real favorite, Thrift Land, was apparently experiencing a donation shortage or something, since all of the shelves were 75% empty). I found a book with a title so incredibly creative that I couldn't help but pick it up: The Collection: a cook book.

The book was published in 1976 by none other than the Junior League of Austin. This find is very exciting because it means that this book actually features dishes and beverages that people in Austin were making around the time that my mother and father were doing whatever it is that married people do to have beautiful babies like me (there is one other recorded incident of such behavior, the evidence being my younger sister).
My parents were pure South Austin, and my mother was certainly no Junior Leaguer, so this book is not an exact snapshot of what entertaining was like in our humble abode. But I am still thrilled to find a written record of what certain Austinites were partaking of during the time of my conception.

Not to downplay the culinary genius of 1970's upper crust Austinites, but I will move past the food recipes and straight to the chapter marked "Beverages."

WARNING: Under no circumstances should you actually attempt to make these beverages. They are listed here only for historical research purposes.

Percolater Punch
9 c. unsweetened pineapple juice
9 c. cranberry juice cocktail
4 1/2 c. water
1 c. packed brown sugar
4 1/2 t. whole cloves
4 cinnamon sticks broken into pieces
1/4 t. salt
Combine juices, water, and sugar in 30 cup coffee percolator. Place cloves, cinnamon and salt in basket; plug in percolator and let it perk as you would for coffee.
Serves 30.
Mrs. Howard M. Richards (Katherine Ross)

Umm... Mrs Richards, isn't something missing, like maybe...the booze? I mean I don't want to sound like a drunk but isn't the point of punch that it makes you feel so special? Couldn't you throw in a little claret or brandy to spice it up? Your friends will love you for it.

Very Old-Fashioneds
1 qt. bourbon
1 c. light rum
1 c. sugar
1 T. Angostura bitters
1 17 oz. jar mixed salad fruits, undrained
Maraschino cherries
Combine all ingredients except cherries. Cover and refrigerate one week.
Serve over ice garnished with maraschino cherry.
For very cold days
Serves 10.
Mrs. Frank N. Beard (Carol Foster)

Light rum in an Old Fashioned? "Mixed salad fruits"--I don't even know what that is. But while I may not agree with Mrs. Beard's recipe for the Old Fashioned, I am inspired by her ambition. I mean, if you factor out this recipe to ten portions, each one has a whopping 3.6 oz of booze. A quart of bourbon?? That's serious stuff. Very cold days, indeed. And hard day's nights, too.