I can't believe it's only the end of July and I already get to address my favorite subject, PR Hacks, actually a sub-specialty of mine, HOLIDAY PR hacks. Usually they don't come a' carolin' for a couple more months, but a few days ago I got something very special in my email box: an invitation to preview "new and festive holiday recipes" featuring flavor combinations that I wouldn't enjoy, regardless of the season...
Before I continue, I have to ask a question that is begged by the press release that I received last week: how is it possible for a PR company representing major international clients to have a worse Web site than mine?
"As Holiday entertaining season approaches, offer readers something merry, berry and bright," the press release begins. It's JULY muthaphukka. Are you serious? "Create the illusion of a tasty Elf’s Kiss (emphasis added--real or imagined, I don't find making out with an elf to be a very sexy illusion) by muddling the flavors of cranberry and candied ginger. The layered green and red hues also give this cocktail an extra festive flare," they continue. Are we still sucked in by green and red colors, regardless of how crappy the drink is? It that what constitutes "holiday cheer?" What kind of happy grass are these people on--I want a bale shipped to my house immediately. Back to the (de-) press (ed) release: "Or opt for a creamier after dinner drink with the Holly-Daze cocktail, a rich combination of milk, citrus and melon." EWWWW!!! You people are gross. You nasty bitchez. If that is the best you can come up with for a "holiday" drink, I would like to spend the winter solstice in a coffin.
